Well I am currently 32 minutes in to my 28th year. That's New York time. If I was back home, I'd still be clinging on to the 2 hours and 28 minutes I had of 27. Holy crap, I'm 28.
I know, it's JUST 28. It's not like it's 30. Or 51, like my Dad is turning in 2 hours and 25 minutes. But i think i'm so hung up on it because i sit back and look at my life, my accomplishments, my regrets, my memories, the fact that my high school reunion is approaching and it feels like it all passed by so quickly.
Ten years have slipped by since i could taste the freedom of turning 18, to where i stand today. I have learned so much about myself, the world around me and the people around me. I can honestly, 100% say i am so glad to be where i am, in my world, surrounded by the people that i love. I am happy with the person i have become, and the road i've taken to get here. Good and bad.
I hate when people say they dont have any regrets. Like, really, you dont honestly look back and cringe at some of the shit you've done? Really? I look back and cringe until my face hurts. Hence, half of the damn wrinkles that keep popping up. I regret stuff, and that's ok. I did dumb shit, and i learned from it. I can still regret it.
My biggest regret, up until 3 years ago, was not going away to college. Not leaving the nest to get that whole "college experience". Sometimes i feel like i missed out, but thank sweet baby Jesus that i stayed local and started with community college. I regret failing that math class and losing my scholarship, cuz i had to unnecessarily bust my ass to pay for school from there on out.....ok with the help of my parents here and there! I now know, with my "party, party" personality, going away to a university and living in dorms, i would have dropped out in ten minutes...drunk, tattooed, and penniless. Thank god, i settled for living with Daddy and commuting. I still had a kick ass time partying, though. hahha.
Now, i look back at the last 3 years and i realize i'm so different. I've grown. My biggest regret is that i let myself think that marriage, children and family wasnt for me. I regret saying i'd never get married and i didnt want any kids. I'm actually crying right now, thinking about how stupid that was. Regret, regret, regret. In the last three years, i have met the most AMAZING man for me, and been given an ABSOLUTE gift of becoming a mother to Alanna. Everything has happened so fast. I never thought I'd be HERE. But i am beyond thankful i am. I'm sure i'll post about my crazy marriage in the future, but i will say this now. But for now, i will say, I could not have met a better person to spend eternity with (or until Justin Timberlake comes knocking on my door). There's a lyric in a Taking Back Sunday song (I'll probably quote lyrics too in this thing) that goes, "You are everything i want, cuz you are everything I'm not." That is my marriage, in a nutshell, to me. We are so completely different, that it works so well. I have no idea what the hell he's talking about half the time, and he has no idea what the hell i'm talking about, but we laugh and love like crazy. I can count on one, maybe two, hands how many times we have fought. I've never had that. Never. Him and our daughter are the best things to ever happen to me. Ever.
I regret negativity. I've been very negative in life, and it really is draining. Dont get me wrong, i'm still going to complain like a Mother F'er, but hopefully not as much. I like to think cuss words and comedic ramblings help my complaints sound less negative. No? It's a work in progress. For now, i'm learning to see the silver lining in every situation. I complained a lot while pregnant...silver lining...i produced a a beautiful, bad ass kid. It's a start.
Back to those damn wrinkles i've mentioned earlier. Half of them are from the regret. The other half are from all of the good times and the laughter i've experienced. I'm so happy that i have had more laughter and good times, than regret in my life. I'm lucky. I absolutely love laughing. It's addicting. The best is when i laugh so hard that i either snort, gasp for air, or cry. Or all three at once. I'm so lucky to be friends with, and related to people who do this to me. I'm so lucky that i get to do that to others. It's important, and it's a huge piece of the person i am. I love to laugh. You'll probably notice my facebook comments and such, ending or beginning with a "haha". I type and talk with laughter. I hardly take anything seriously. Seriously, it's really hard for me.
So this is me. At the beginning of year 28. It's not everything, but it's a nice start to my new hobby: Blogging. My cousin blogs, which is what got me wanting to start doing it. Every so often, she posts random thoughts that are swirling around in her head. I love those posts, because i can relate. I thought FB would be a nice outlet for my random thoughts, but some are just better left off of that venue. So this is my new outlet.
Stay tuned, suckas!!!
P.s. I will hardly edit this shit. So all of my teacher friends, i'm sorry for your cringe wrinkles.
